God's Pop-Quiz
God's Pop-Quiz
Unemployment. Anyone who has been though it knows that it stinks. No work, no money coming in, the sense of panic that wells up as the bills pile up and the despiration, stress and perspiration are taking over. It's a horrible feeling for those of us who are work-a-holics. The need to be busy, we can't sit still, we must be doing something worthwhile. We pour over ads and online job sites, sending out resumes and jumping through the horrid red-tape of the unemployment compensation nightmare, to get a little assistance in a time of need. Sleep is interrupted, and days are a whirlwind of calls and emails, and waiting. Not to mention, daytime tv stinks.
Still no word from the job downtown. (the one I think I really want) It is as if God is trying to teach me something. I know what it is, but it's one of those painful things to admit - that for so long I thought I was riding a wave, surfing life and enjoying the ride - busy work is the wave of the dependant. And when that was taken away and the surfboard fell out from under my feet I just knew I'd hit another wave and continue the ride as I've done so many times before... but this time I found myself standing on shore watching the waves crash in around me but I have no board to ride.
God is trying my ability to be patient. These pop-quizes of His really piss me off. But I think He's trying to teach me to enjoy my silence, a quiet time like a vacation long enough to free my mind of the bondage of the need to work just to feel self-worth. Patience is what us work-a-holics lack the most, because we're used to working toward something, saving, striving for a rainy day... And when the work isn't working, we panic, and work harder to try and control an out of control (at least to us) chaotic situation.
"Be Still."
Yeah right! I gotta find work, God! There's no time for that. Bills to pay, food to buy! Remember all those verses about being diligent in all we do? and a worker is worthy of his wages? and if a man doesn't work he shouldn't eat? And..
"Chris, shut up and Be Still."
Dammit!. OK, I'm sitting. I'm still. I'm bored. Anxious. Still waiting. Impatiently tapping on the desk. Still not sleeping well. tv is still boring. How long do i have to do this, God?
"Until you can relax and trust in Me."
Oh Shit.
I mean, I do trust in You, Lord. Always do. Right? of course! Because.. if I did I wouldn't.. be so anxious I guess.. or maybe I wouldn't have feelings of worthlessness, or despiration. Of course I trust.. well, maybe I've been trying to do it all myself and not given You the room to direct me, but you know me God.. you made me ya know. heh...sigh. When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.
"Now you're getting it.. Stay right there."
Sigh.
Chris
Unemployment. Anyone who has been though it knows that it stinks. No work, no money coming in, the sense of panic that wells up as the bills pile up and the despiration, stress and perspiration are taking over. It's a horrible feeling for those of us who are work-a-holics. The need to be busy, we can't sit still, we must be doing something worthwhile. We pour over ads and online job sites, sending out resumes and jumping through the horrid red-tape of the unemployment compensation nightmare, to get a little assistance in a time of need. Sleep is interrupted, and days are a whirlwind of calls and emails, and waiting. Not to mention, daytime tv stinks.
Still no word from the job downtown. (the one I think I really want) It is as if God is trying to teach me something. I know what it is, but it's one of those painful things to admit - that for so long I thought I was riding a wave, surfing life and enjoying the ride - busy work is the wave of the dependant. And when that was taken away and the surfboard fell out from under my feet I just knew I'd hit another wave and continue the ride as I've done so many times before... but this time I found myself standing on shore watching the waves crash in around me but I have no board to ride.
God is trying my ability to be patient. These pop-quizes of His really piss me off. But I think He's trying to teach me to enjoy my silence, a quiet time like a vacation long enough to free my mind of the bondage of the need to work just to feel self-worth. Patience is what us work-a-holics lack the most, because we're used to working toward something, saving, striving for a rainy day... And when the work isn't working, we panic, and work harder to try and control an out of control (at least to us) chaotic situation.
"Be Still."
Yeah right! I gotta find work, God! There's no time for that. Bills to pay, food to buy! Remember all those verses about being diligent in all we do? and a worker is worthy of his wages? and if a man doesn't work he shouldn't eat? And..
"Chris, shut up and Be Still."
Dammit!. OK, I'm sitting. I'm still. I'm bored. Anxious. Still waiting. Impatiently tapping on the desk. Still not sleeping well. tv is still boring. How long do i have to do this, God?
"Until you can relax and trust in Me."
Oh Shit.
I mean, I do trust in You, Lord. Always do. Right? of course! Because.. if I did I wouldn't.. be so anxious I guess.. or maybe I wouldn't have feelings of worthlessness, or despiration. Of course I trust.. well, maybe I've been trying to do it all myself and not given You the room to direct me, but you know me God.. you made me ya know. heh...sigh. When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.
"Now you're getting it.. Stay right there."
Sigh.
Chris
posted by Chris at
10:21 AM
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