Praying

I've been considering trying to pray again. It's been a very long time since I've actually set out to talk to God one on one. The reasons are many. One, whenever I've prayed what I thought was an honest prayer in the past using all the formulas for success I was taught, the answer either never came or was a resounding 'blow me', and often the opposite was received. Cruel joke for whoever is listening up there, but I think I deserve a yes or three in there somewhere if I ask an honest question. Another reason is I really don't feel up to bugging the Almighty with my presence. He obviously knows I am down here - I hope He hasn't forgotten that partly cloudy day He sent me here 39 years ago this month. Sometimes it feels like He has. Other times when things are going good you just know that God is in control and it's easy to say 'Thank ya Jeeeezuz' and be all happy about your faith. But when there's no letters from home for a while, and things don't seem to be going as smoothly as you've been taught they should we get pissed at God and life. Too few of us come to realize that's the whole point of being here, it's a test. Anyhow, another reason I haven't prayed is because I thought "If I don't have something genuine to say to the Almighty, then it's best left unsaid." Afterall, He knows our thoughts and the intent of our hearts and all that right? And I don't want to be like the churchian congregation spouting off prayers about Aunt Pam's knee or Jimmy's problem drinking just to be praying for something. That's so stupid. If you need a list of shit to pray about, you got too much time on your hands and it'd be better served serving instead of yacking with the ceiling tiles. Still, at times like now I find myself missing the communication. Or maybe the root of that word, communion. Being the black sheep of the spiritual family isn't easy, afterall. Sometimes it's a lonely business being me. I just wish God would do something big in my life, bless me beyond belief and all that, buy me a new car and a house in the hills - but for now I'd be content with a greeting card or something saying 'Hey we're watching up here, keep thinking the good thoughts, keep writing them down, glad you stopped drinking, and stop touching yourself so much.' or just an audible 'Hello' would be good for starters. Maybe I'll try to say hello again soon too, hope He says something in return.